Nearly three years ago, I was a teenager with a handful of diagnosed chronic illnesses, with a couple more ‘yet to be confirmed’. I had few people to talk to and needed to find a way to deal with my day-to-day problems because biting back every thought was not working out. Little has changed. Sure, I am no longer a teenager, I have been officially diagnosed with more illnesses, but the problem still remains: I am a very sick person with a support system that cannot manage the weight of this burden.
I have spent the past hour or so looking through my old entries. So much is still relevent to my life - I still struggle, I still have questions, I still work my life around my symptoms. I was so grateful to have somewhere to turn to when I was having an especially shit day. It meant the world to me to have that community no matter what hour of the day or night. It didn’t matter if I was bedbound and looking like crap, I had everyone here. They were also where through my victories, the big and small (and nobody understands how special victories are than the chronic illness community).
But I guess the point is that it’s all become a bit… past tense for me. I still face the same battles, but I no longer have the words to write and therefore, I no longer get from it what I used to. I can’t force that. That’s not what this whole thing was for.
I’ll never say never, but for now, it looks like I will be (officially) stepping away from this blog. Before I do, I just wanted to say a rather cheesy goodbye and thank you. Readers have witnessed the good and bad in my odd little life. If you have read my thoughts or even followed my blog, thank you for playing a role in my life over the past three years. You were there and you made me feel less alone in this. I truly believe that many of you have aided with my management of these illnesses and have encouraged me to grow as a person.
I wish each and every one of you good health in the future.
So true some weeks
I’ve been bad about posting here lately, guys. Lots going on in my life right now. I’ll get back on track!
In case it wasn’t obvious, I am on a bit of a hiatus. I wish everyone good health in the new year.
I’d be rich!
Well… techically… I kinda am. The Australian Govt. appreciates that being chronically ill is a full time job for me.
A lot of times when you see people suffering or know that they are in pain with a chronic illness, you assume that they have support from their household members and family. Sometimes, that’s not the case. It can be very difficult growing up in pain and not either having some people believe your…
“No news is good news”, right? We didn’t find cancer. We didn’t find tumours. There is no sign of MS. We should be happy. We should be relieved.
When I first became sick, I did feel like that. But more and more tests are done and still, there seems to be shockingly little information. Yet I am still left with this illness and it’s not going away. It spreads and becomes deliberating in entirely new ways - probably because, due to the lack of results, I have little clue on what I am dealing with.
So I don’t feel any relief when I am told, yet again, that there is nothing. I just want an answer. I want to know what is happening to me. I want to know how to help myself. I am tired of being in the dark.